May 9, 2006


As life moves ever forward, I’m passing milestones in my life more quickly than I can process, but the view in my rear-view seems more blurry all the time. If anything, I’m bleeding acquaintances at this point, because the friends I was going to lose are long gone. But it’s still difficult to look back at photos and memories of 5, 10, 15 years and remember some moments so well, but it’s like a phone conversation with a dial tone on the other end. Memories are fond when they are shareable, and I find myself sometimes at the unfortunate crossroad between burning the old albums while uncapping a pen to write a next chapter in bold strokes, or sitting at the intersection with my cell phone and the long list of irrelevant numbers that continue to clutter my address book.

Old habits die hard, enit? And the internet is not a bridge between those who once were, but have long since grown apart. This is not a plea for pity... I’m in a Mountain Dew-enhanced state (thanks A), and just remembering a bit while staying up to study. It will pass, of course, and while I’ve been so lucky to continue some amazing friendships over the years, the lesson in all of this is for me not to lay my head upon my computer as some kind of substitute, even if it is a portal to an outside world, it is only a tool - and only a means to an end. Summer lays out refreshingly before me now, the finish line so present that I can dream of it in fits of comfortable sleep, and I almost taste the sunlight (and gatorade) waiting for me on the other side.

To gather my strength, push aside the doubts, and spend the last of the reserves I’ve built up for these particular moments... that is what lies immediately ahead. And then, perhaps a book of fiction would be nice. Outside, en el al aire libre...


flygirl said...

C'est la vie.

Thanks for this. You've articulated things I've been wrestling with for some time better than I could (and just you wait until you are 28!).

Have a great summer!

Rage said...

Thanks flygirl... been there, though!